Moiph.com

You know what the world needs? More adventures.

When I go to work in the morning, it's boring. I get out of bed, sometimes shower (as in if I don't shower in the morning I'll shower at night, not "meh i haven't showered in a few days, haven't felt like it"), munch on some readily available food from my fridge, and then wander out the door to drive to the office. Nothing exciting there. Here's a better and way more exciting scenario:

My alarm goes off. It's 5:30AM, sweat drips down my forehead as my eyes dart around the room. I grab my ectoplasma raygun and carefully open my bedroom door. If the coast is clear, dart for the bathroom and quickly dequeue any pending bodily functions and shower. I shave my manly beard to lessen wind resistance (damn thing grows like a chia pet with miracle grow) and grab a stalk of broccoli from the fridge and munch away. I then check all the surveillance cameras on the premises before venturing to my car. On my way there a ferocious beast, half lion, half bear, all badass, attacks me from behind. I do a triple somersault backflip and take the beast on with my barehands. The brawl ends in my victorious victory, although I don't leave unscathed. I head to my car to drive to work, only to be greeted with swarms of evil ninjas (i'm a good ninja) equipped with laser shurikens. I set the car on autopilot and hop onto the roof of it and do one of those sweet "on-top-of-moving-vehicle-fight-scene" things that action movies like to do. Except this one is way more badass and has no special effects. It's all real. Unfortunately I forgot to set the car to adjust speed accordingly and I get pulled over for speeding. I call a timeout while I explain to the officer that these evil ninjas are trying to kill me, but they decide to be complete jerks and whistle innocently, claiming to have no idea what I'm talking about (grr). I take the ticket and grumble and my rage creates a fury of stormclouds to form, with lightning and thunder erupting loudly in the sky. The evil ninjas sense my rage and flee in terror. Finally I get to the office and begin my day of work.

I could totally use a sidekick, though. Volunteers? .